(While going through old posts I have been deleting ones that are out of date or don't make sense anymore. This was one that I feel is out of date in a way but it also was one of the greatest debates our generation had at one point. Jennifer or Angelina was something that gossip magazines roared about and was something that brought passionate responses.) If you haven't heard Dawn Wells the actress that played Mary Ann was arrested for possession of marijuana. I guess we now know what was in the pies she made; it wasn't just coconut or pineapple. With Mary Ann getting arrested it made me … [Read more...]
Archives for February 2015
How to Teach an Eight Year Old How to Gamble
I’m a degenerate. A lovable degenerate but a degenerate nonetheless, who may have a tiny love of gambling. So when an eight year old asks me to play UNO there obviously needs to be some level of stakes to make playing worthwhile. But how do you convince an 8 year old that gambling is worth their while and fun? 1) Don’t play your hardest in some warm up games Children need confidence, without confidence they will not do anything. If they think they are going to get housed by an adult most of the time the child will not even play you. So play a couple of warm up games and don’t go for … [Read more...]
Derek Jeter and the Winter of the Deep Fryer
Just a quick little blurb before I go into my topic for the day. I had a dream last night, a rather long one but I am just going to cut to the highlight/lowlight of it. I was at an open air mall with one of my friends from back home. There was a sports card show going on and we were looking for my parents so we could get the hell out of there. While we were walking around we were judging if the amount the players were asking for an autograph was too low or too high. (This was a very fun game that I think I need to move into real life.) Finally we get to a winding staircase and my mom was on … [Read more...]
Why You Should Learn to Fix Your Own Computer
Back in the day I worked at a small computer company as a network consultant. I would go to a small business, look at their setup, and suggest what they needed. When I wasn’t out on calls and just on the sales floor I would often times have to check in people bringing their computers for repair. During this time Windows really was into personalization of your desktop and people had discovered how to change their background picture to whatever they want. Most of the repair stations lined the sales floor as an outer barrier, depending on the station and the position within the station the … [Read more...]
Apparently I am a bukkake expert
One of my favorite things about having a blog is that people find my webpage with some of the most insane search terms ever. Well apparently my new friend Deepak found my post about bukkake and for some reason he believes that I am an expert on it. (Apparently this is an informational blog, not a humor blog.) I am not sure if that is an honor or if I should be totally frightened? But I guess I will run with it. Here is his message: It is my extreme desire to get a bukkake performed on my wife once. She has a pretty face. Earlier she was surprised but later on agreed to do it once. But … [Read more...]
I feel totally ripped off by charity
Yesterday was a bit of a long day at work. When I got home I noticed that I had a large envelope in my mailbox, which was a total surprise. It was unmarked so I was hoping that it was my monthly edition of "Elongated Taint" magazine but sadly it wasn't. In it was a thank you letter and some other goodies from a school that I had donated money to. At Christmas time Google sent me a card with a donation gift card, which I could use it at donorschoice.org to fund various projects of my choice. I had totally forgotten that I used the card to fund an underfunded classroom outside of NYC that … [Read more...]
You Should Probably Be Properly Trained to Touch My Junk
Recently I was hospitalized when I broke my leg playing old man ice hockey. You can see the Zapruder film version of the injury here: IMG_1196.MOV (I’m the dude lying lifelessly in the corner at the end) When I arrived at the emergency room I thought they would just set the leg, throw on a cast, and I would hobble on out early in the morning. Apparently that wasn’t in the cards for me as I received a surgically implanted permanent rod in my leg and a few day stay in the hospital. While in the hospital I got introduced to my personal nemesis…. The catheter. We were formally … [Read more...]
Setting Back AIDS Knowledge Ten Years
(Originally written when I made my return to college to finish my degree.) One thing that I have always been amazed with is the complete idiots I deal with in the educational system. As I continued my higher education I continually ran into people that would have problems figuring out where Waldo is let alone getting their college degree. When I moved to California I had to spend a year at a Junior College aka a Community College because of the difference requirements that New York State and California had. Each day I would experience something that would make me lose all faith in … [Read more...]
It’s Time for me to Admit Something Horrible About Myself
It’s doesn’t happen often where I take the time to write a personal note where I admit something I am embarrassed about. Sure I tell stories that don’t always paint me in the best of light but rarely to a reveal a fact of my day-to-day life that I think will impact the way you look at me. Today is one of those days. I stand when I wipe. Sure I’ve heard all the arguments over the years why I shouldn’t. That I am a freak, an abhorrent creation of God, and that there is something wrong with me. When you stand and wipe all you are doing is creating MORE of a mess, as everything gets … [Read more...]
How can I hit on a TSA official?
The last few times I have flown down to NYC on an early morning flight I have noticed a TSA (Transportation Security Administration) official at the gate of US Airways that looks like Jessica Alba. Each time I have gone through the security checkpoint we both have noticed each other and have given quick smiles. Usually I have no problem approaching women but I feel a little odd about trying to work it with someone that is attempting to racially profile airline passengers... er... I mean protect our skies. So I have decided that a creative approach needs to be taken with this. Here are a … [Read more...]