I don’t talk about some years of my childhood that much. Mostly because I have repressed the memories into the dark recesses of my mind so they don’t spring up again. Sometimes I need to use things like alcohol, black tar heroin, or crack to keep them hidden. One of the things/people that I despised during this time was my stepmom. While I hate to throw around insulting terms, “white trash” is probably the best way to describe her. She rocked a black early 90s Monte Carlo with like faded purple airbrushed on the bottom, loved country music, had dentures in her mid 30’s, chain smoked like it was her job, was way into NASCAR and would just stare listlessly out the window when she came home from work for hours. (Maybe I just didn’t realize she was a vegetable that had shitty taste in everything before she went catatonic.)
She also was a horrible, horrible, horrible person.
Once I graduated high school and moved away I never saw or spoke to her again. I have no idea what became of her, I just hope whatever happened included a combine accident or being chopped up and fed to pigs by a guy wielding a chainsaw and wearing an old school goalie’s mask.
In summation, one of my top five least likeable people ever.
A few years back I had a Tinder date with a girl that I met at a coffee house in Portland. She rolled into the shop with a very un-Portland like look. Heavy on the fake tan, smelling like a combination of bad body spray and cigarettes, and with the largest/whitest teeth I have ever seen. The teeth that people who smoke too much but are self-conscious about it have. Where they are bleached to a point of being unrecognizable. Instantly I was a bit turned off because I didn’t feel she looked like her pictures and the smells wafting from her were no attractive but not wanting to be a judgmental prick, I figured we’d talk and see what’s what.
The conversation wasn’t much better, we spent a lot of time on baby daddy drama. At a certain point I had the feeling like I had met this girl before. I racked my brain trying to think of where I knew her from and then realized that she was like a younger version of my step mother. Sadly, my mind took a detour into a world of darkness. This was my thought process: I was initially attracted to the pictures she posted on Tinder and I asked to go on a date with her. Does that mean that I am deep down sexually attracted to my step mother? After vomiting in my mouth and realizing that I took it a step too far I ended the date.
I went home after this coffee shop date at like 3 in the afternoon and shut the door to my bedroom, crawled in to bed, and tried to repress the memories of all these people.
Have you ever gone on a date where Dr Freud would have a field day?