I had a blog that was set and ready to go for today but I realized that today is going to be my last blog of this year. I couldn’t go out with a blog about the former lead singer of Babyshambles, so I went back to the drawing board to write something thought provoking and poignant. Something that would unite us all in the brotherhood of humankind and get us all motivated for the New Year.
When sitting down to write I decided that it would be a good idea to offer up a new years resolution we can make together, something that will make the world a better place.
I propose that in 2015 we all make the resolution to kill all the left handed people of the world.
Now you maybe sitting there and saying to yourself, “Why would I want to kill all the left handers of the world?”
Think about it… Look at the pain and suffering they cause the people of this earth.
1) The annoying ass left handed desk- There is nothing worse than showing up for class late and being stuck with one of the 15 left handed desks in the class room. Why they need to have 15 desks I will never know. The fact of the matter is that they are annoying to write at and if there were no left handers in the world this problem would not exist.
2) No more Leftorium references- I don’t care what anyone says, you can start to trace the downfall of the Simpsons when they did the episode about Flanders and his store, the Leftorium. Nothing good comes out of giving Flanders a whole half hour, NOTHING.
3) The awkward banquet or dinner party disappears- How many times has this happened? You have gone out to a dinner with a large group of people or a banquet and get stuck next to the left hander, meaning that your hands and elbows are going to interfere with each other for the remainder of the night, thus ruining your dinner. It has happened to me on more than one occasion, if it was all right handers everything would be in a perfect pattern. Who wouldn’t enjoy their dinner more that way?
Now I know people are going to be all up in arms about this. Some people are related to a lefty or are in love with one. This is about the greater good people! You need to put aside your lame reasons for caring about a lefty and think about society.
Sure I know someone is going to throw out the line, “But what about all the important left handers throughout history?”
What about them?
Jack the Ripper
Now does anyone want to make a case for any of those people? Come on now… Think about it, how can you not be behind this plan?
So how about it everyone, is this something we can unite together and accomplish? A no lefty by 2015 campaign! Who is with with me?