(Written in 2008 after the Super Bowl, it still holds true even with the outdated references.) For those of you who live under a rock or outside of the United States the Super Bowl was last night. Now being a football fan and a gambling addict, I enjoy watching the Super Bowl no matter who is in it. However every year I get super annoyed by one thing, people that say they watch the Super Bowl for the commercials. For the longest time I thought this was a creation of the media, where they promote the commercials as an event in order to get people to watch the crap that is being sold to … [Read more...]
I would like my Christmas play without the political commentary please
(Written after my nephew's Christmas pageant in 2008). I made it out here to California for a nice little Christmas vacation on a Thursday afternoon. Being the cool Uncle that I am I went to pick my nephew up at school (I think it is a Lutheran school or something) where I was informed that he was going to be in the Christmas pageant as a Shepard that Sunday. Of course I was going to have to go but I was a little annoyed at the idea of having to attend church since I haven't stepped into a church for a non-wedding related event in over a decade. Thinking about going made me fear that I … [Read more...]
Staples entertains me to no end
I love going into Staples. (Not because I worked there while in college and had a Christmas party threesome.) There isn’t a store on the face of the earth that has as much random bullshit mixed with every day items that you actually need. The other day I had to go use their fax machine to send a copy of a document when I noticed some of the various products that they had for sale. A massage type device, a Starbucks gift set, and some sort of body wash all were up towards the front of the store on massive displays reminding the person buying file folders to get a crappy gift … [Read more...]
Drunken Mistakes Volume 16: The Christmas Party Threesome
In a past drunken mistake blog I talked about my awkwardness and how I turned down a threesome on spring break because I was too dumb to know what they were talking about. At the end of the blog I dropped a reference that I things came together for me finally at a company Christmas party. This blog is that story and I guess my Christmas gift to you. (How this is a Christmas gift I have no idea.) This story is basically a combination of happenstance, sheer luck, and being at the right place at the right time.... Oh and working with girls with a very casual moral attitude. As I have talked … [Read more...]
How To Fix Toys For Tots
Originally Posted: December 4, 2006 Before you all lynch me and say I have no Christmas Spirit listen to my case. I think there are tons of good charities out there but Toys for Tots is one I loathe, it is broken and needs to be fixed. It's not because their spokesperson this year is Dr. Phil, I despise Toys for Tots for one simple reason: I hate it because it is done by the Marine Corps Reserve. Now, wait.... I have nothing against the Marines or anyone else serving our country. But every time I see someone from Toys for Tots speaking it is always some guy that has a … [Read more...]
There is nothing worse than the whole “I am sick” conversation
I get really uncomfortable when people tell me that they are sick. Not because I am afraid I am going to catch anything but because I don't know the amount of sympathy I am supposed to show back. Add in the fact that an uncomfortable situation occurs around the discussion of their symptoms and the whole thing ends up sucking. When it comes to giving sympathy you have to determine the levels. For example if you are talking to someone and they say that they are sick and it is just like a cold or they are just tired you really don't to make a big production out of things. A simple, "I hope … [Read more...]
Letting your repressed inner slut and inner lush out is okay
For years I used to loathe going out on New Year's Eve or St. Patrick's Day because it was a night where people that barely drank rest of the year would get hammered. Most of the people couldn't hold their alcohol and the night usually regressed into a horrible night out (long lines at the bar, vomit covered bathrooms, and fights galore). However as I aged I realized that these were nights where you could pick up a totally different type of woman, the repressed inner lush/slut that is using a holiday as their excuse to throw caution to the wind and make some poor life decisions. And … [Read more...]
Dear Bald Man Ahead of Me in Line,
Dear Bald Man Ahead of Me in Line, Dude, we need to talk. Before I make a few points I have to ask you some questions so please be patient. 1) Are you a pirate? Do you rape and pillage, sailing the seas looking for booty? I don't think you are because you don't have an eye patch, peg leg, or a hook for a hand. Nor is their any visible signs that you have had a parrot on your shoulder. 2) Are you a wrestler? Do you fake fight for a living? I kind of doubt it because you aren't that big and I didn't see any needles hanging from your ass from where you inject … [Read more...]
If I Ran For Office I Would Totally Lie My Ass Off
(I wrote this in 2008 when Hillary was campaigning for the Democratic nomination. I am not sure my feelings changed that much about her, she has this almost desperate feeling towards being the President. She is totally qualified but there is this air of doing anything to win, which frankly most Republicans in this election cycle had that has this tinge of insanity. Amy Poehler kind of played her this way on SNL.) I am under no illusion that to get far in politics or business you have to do some dirt. For some reason I have friends that think that our leaders need to be infallible, which … [Read more...]
Reason Number 1 and 2 of Why Grad School is Bullshit
I decided to start a series giving you reasons why Graduate School is total bullshit... So far I have come up with a few different reasons and I wanted to highlight a couple of them today. REASON 1: People are full of shit I have a seminar where people come in and talk about what they are studying for a thesis or for their doctoral program. Basically if you can give a shred of a reason why you are studying something you are allowed to pursue it. On Thursday we had someone that was studying Walter Benjamin, she is taking his works and creating different digital art in as her response to … [Read more...]