Recently there was an article, wait can I even call it an article? Let me start over… Recently there was a crappy time wasting post on yahoo about the spike in celebrities having twins. Of course this spiked the little scientist in me and I wanted to find out if celebrity sperm was more potent.
My Theory: Because of the lights they are under for movies, combined with the lights from the paparazzi, and their unholy deal with the devil male celebrity sperm has mutated and female celebrity eggs have as well.
How I tested this theory: Well besides reading the hard hitting yahoo OMG story about celebrities having twins I dispersed my crack team of scientists around the globe to test this theory. Here are some of their field reports:
Report 1- From “Gay” Steve- “I was sent to Los Angeles to work the glory hole circuit and wait for a celebrity, we pretty much knew that George Michael would be around eventually. You see my entire life I have had really bad acne and my goal was to take a shot in the face to see what happens. Sure enough good old George came by and to be honest I didn’t have to wait that long, I was at the glory hole for about half an hour. Anyways, bam… my face got covered and look, not a pimple to be seen, it was truly magical!”
Report 2- From Sneaky Sharri- “I recently went to a super secret clinic where celebrities have their eggs and sperm stored just incase the human race is almost wiped out and we need to breed a whole group of beautiful people. It is kind of like the seed place in Norway except it is for sperm and it resides in the mountain where the Hollywood sign is. Anyways, I stole a ton of eggs and mashed them together. They are so strong Gay Steve could wear them as a t-shirt. Sure some people might say that looks like chainmail, but no it is celebrity eggs!”
Report 3- From Josiah- “I was with sneaky Sharri at the clinic and stole some of Snoop Dogg’s sperm, no normally when you have that many chemicals in you your sperm doesn’t move normally. Snoop though has had multiple kids and we couldn’t figure out why, when we looked at Snoop’s sperm in a microscope it was mutated and super swimmy.”
See I have the best scientific team ever, super swimmy is exactly how I would describe sperm under a microscope. So there you have it, irrefutable proof that celebrity sperm is much more powerful and magical than the rest of the human race.
So to sum everything up, celebrities have magical and potent sperm and eggs that is why they have so many sets of twins. The NFL quarterbacks of the 80s and 90s all had kids with disabilities because they took steroids. Billie Jean is not my lover, she’s just a girl who claims that I am the one. But the kid is not my son.
Why are celebrities having so many twins?