Most of the time in life we lack direction. We don’t have answers to basic questions like:
-Oatmeal cream pie or swiss roll?
-Do I pee in the shower or in the toilet before I get in?
-How many drinks would it take for me to consider having sex with Paris Hilton?
-What do I want to do with my life?
This morning I had a moment of clarity and I could answer all of these.
-Oatmeal cream pie
-Professional chess boxer
Now I know I am going to hear all the negatives about chess boxing and why I can’t do it. The fact that I am 2-4 in career fights on the street will be thrown out there. Also I can hear people saying I suck at chess because I spent my game playing time growing up on the game of Life. (It had a spin wheel!) Also because I am in my early thirties I have hit my athletic peak and will soon be wheelchair bound, crapping in a diaper, and eating smashed pears unable to physically handle chess boxing.
I have to say though I disagree with all of that. In fact I signed up with a gym to start my boxing training and each day I will head down to the park to play some homeless guys in chess. Personally I can’t ignore the benefits of getting in on this.
1) Being one of the pioneers- I will be talked about in high regard my whole life because I was one of the early pioneers. Kind of like the way we talk about Lewis and Clark when all they did was follow a river and listened to a hot underage Indian chick to guide them. Come on, what did they really do?
2) Bitches love guys that chess box- I tossed the idea of chess boxing out to a female friend of mine and she said, “My panties are as wet as a rice field in South East Asia.”
3) RZA is a fan- If anyone from the Wu-Tang Clan is involved it is automatically cool. Well except Method Man, he lost some street cred along the way.
4) My inner Lloyd Dobler can come out- I can’t wait to meet people and have them ask what I do so I can reply, “Chess-Boxing. Sport of the future.” Also I want to have awkward sex with Diane Court in the back of a car.
Diane Court: Are you shaking?
Me as Lloyd Dobler: Get the fuck out of the car.
What can I say chess boxing turns me into a romantic.
How excited are you for chess boxing?