When I moved to Pacific Northwest I dove head first into dating by joining the go to dating site, Match.com. I want to say that I have always done well on there but I guess if I am still single one must question if I actually have done THAT well. Anyway, I feel like the fact that I am employed, I am not super outdoorsy, and I am not a hipster sets me apart from the other guys here in Pacific Northwest. I was doing well meeting women.
One girl that I really had an interest in grew up in the same part of the East Coast that I did. She was blonde, attractive, had a great job, is extremely close to her family and seemed to have a cutting sense of humor, all of which are in my wheelhouse. We went out on a few dates including one where she had a party at her house, which her mom attended. (She was visiting from the East Coast.) Everything seemed to be going well and things were progressing to what would be “the sex date”.
On the night of the “sex date” East Coast Girl (ECG for short going forward) and I went to a really nice dinner, had a few bottles of wine, and got into some pretty interesting conversations. About halfway through dinner she uttered the phrase, “I have something to tell you.”
Whenever that phrase gets uttered whatever comes after it is never going to be good. The phrase “I have something to tell” you is never followed by things like:
- I’ve won the lottery and want to split it with you
- My friend that posed in Playboy would love to have a threesome with us
- You are NOT the father
- I have a secret stash of Jell-O pudding pops
The phrase “I have something to tell you” is usually followed by phrases like:
- I have herpes
- A car hit your cat Mr. Bojangles
- You just failed English composition
The next thing she said was that she was recovering from breast cancer, which I think was revealed because of the potential naked time that was approaching. I replied with a very understanding and empathetic statement. The fact that she had breast cancer wasn’t the upsetting or odd thing… She followed that up with something I am still trying to wrap my head around, “I had breast cancer and I didn’t tell anyone.”
If I stub my toe I tell at least ten people. How could a person, who is extremely close to their family, have a disease that could potentially kill them and not tell anyone? Her answer, “I didn’t want to bug anyone.”
This was riveting to me. I began to ask a few questions about how she was able to keep it a secret, didn’t she have to have friends/coworkers/family bring her to appointments on occasion. She said that there were only a couple of times she needed rides and she told whomever that was taking her that it was for something else. So she made up another illness to cover for her real illness. What.the.fuck?
She went on to say she didn’t want to be weak like all those people that complain that they don’t have health insurance and rely on the government. Her job, her insurance, and her money put her in a position to be able to handle it without really relying on anyone else so she didn’t want to tell them and unnecessarily worry them about it.
Leaving the politics out of this, her thought process on this sounded so emotionally cold. All I could think about was being in a movie theatre down the road and having her excuse herself to go to the bathroom then coming back with a newborn baby saying, “Yeah I just had a baby in the bathroom, didn’t want to bother you with the whole pregnancy thing. Did I miss anything? Please pass the popcorn.”
After the date we went our separate ways, I told her I was pretty tired. We never spoke again. It was back to the drawing board.
Is it completely strange to have a life threatening illness and not tell anyone?