The problem with me living in a college town for so many years after I was actually in college was that that bar scene was influenced by when students were in session and when they weren’t. While the summer and winter breaks were still good because of the various local people, students home from college, and the lake crowd being in town week long breaks mid-semester often left the bars like a ghost town. This usually wasn’t a big deal except for the fact that my birthday for consecutive years landed on spring break.Now most logical people would just go to a different place for their birthday, where they know other large groups of people are going to be. But my friends and I were pretty loyal to the bar we always went to plus add in the factor that we didn’t have to drive and we were hooked. So for a few years in a row my birthday really kind of blew in the fun category, it was just us going out to the same bar getting hammered with no people to annoy with our reveling. Basically it was just like any other night out on the town.
For a few years we had a habit of bringing a camera out with us and telling girls that it was a certain person’s birthday. If they gave them a kiss they could do a shot with us, needless to say the film from those few birthdays have been destroyed just in case anyone wants to run for office. Those birthdays were fun and out of control but mine seemed to taper out after my 21st birthday.
One birthday was especially bad; I had broken up with my girlfriend and wasn’t dating anyone. We went out to the bar for my birthday where I got horribly drunk and I decided that it was my birthday and I could not have a sexless birthday night. I proceeded to walk around the bar offering up my services to any lady that would listen, saying it was my birthday and I was too cute not to have sex. Needless to say this wasn’t an approach most women dug, some turned their backs and ignored me. Others humored and talked to me only to break my heart when I tried to close the deal.
The night went on and I kept drinking and offering. Drinking and offering, then just drinking, and then even more drinking. Then finally drinking to a point where I blacked out. Everything was kind of a blur from about 1am on; I woke up at 6 am naked on the bottom of a bunk bed with my junk and stomach covered in pudding and empty pudding cups next to the bed. I look beside me and see a girl that could politely be described is horribly unattractive even for a mutant.
I decided that I needed to get out of her apartment which looked to be a sorority house where multiple people were sharing rooms, this was no easy task covered in pudding. I could have been a dick and just grabbed one of her pieces of clothing from the ground and wiped myself off. But I figured that since she was nice enough to do something with me, pudding, and nakedness for my birthday that I couldn’t just ruin her clothing. (See…I have a heart.) So I manned up and just put my clothes on over the pudding. I snuck out of the house and walked home to mine where I showered and headed back to bed until sometime around dinner.
When I emerged from my room I was regaled with a story of how the night went. My friends connected to the dots for me, including where pudding girl came into play. Apparently towards the end of the night pudding girl game into the bar with some friends slightly inebriated. I gave her it’s my birthday and I need to have sex line, this impressed her because of my forwardness and she proceeded to talk extremely dirty to me and how she wanted to lick pudding off of my penis. We talked for a few more minutes, had a few more shots, and determined it was time to go. I proudly turned to my friends and announced for the entire bar to hear that I was going to go have this girl lick pudding off of my balls for my birthday.
Apparently she did just that. Happy birthday to me… Of course weeks went by where I had to deal with the verbal barbs at me, including.
-man there isn’t enough pudding in the world to make your balls look attractive.
-did you cover her face with pudding so you could sleep with her?
-did she mix your homemade tapioca with the chocolate from the snack pack?
Ugly girls will do anything if alcohol and pudding are involved.
I don’t even know what question to end this with.