I love beer league hockey. Since moving to the Pacific Northwest I signed up to play hockey again after 20 years of not playing the game. In four years I probably have played 400 games. Over that time period I have played on multiple teams with probably a hundred different teammates at this point. These teammates have come from all runs of life, different ages, different genders, and different sensibilities. Some of these people are probably serial killers, others probably have glue sniffing issues, and most are just flat out drunks.
One of my favorite moments was the night of the 2014 Super Bowl.
A drawback of beer league hockey is that they aren’t really sensitive to what also could fall on the day of your game. Valentine’s Day, the Super Bowl, and some other minor holidays are all fair game. We happened to have a game on Super Bowl Sunday against what could be considered the best team in the league. We also had a goalie that was highly inebriated. Which brings us to the other drawback of beer league hockey, you don’t have a backup goalie and a lot of the time, for better or worse, your goalie is your goalie… no matter what condition they are in.
Midway through the first period our goalie turned, lifted his mask, and puked in the crease while the puck was at the other end of the ice. He tried to hose down the inside of his net with his water bottle, but a massive brown spot still littered the ice. In between periods, the goalies switch ends, and our goalie skated by the other team’s goalie informing him, “Hey man, sorry I puked in the net.” The other team’s goalie thinking he was joking around told our goalie, “Yeah, well I shit in my mine.” His jovial reply turned into a slew of curse words once he realized that our goalie wasn’t joking around.
As the second period carried on our goalie repeated his actions from the first turning, puking, and then attempting to clean up the crease. He used up most of his water and had to run and fill his water bottle in between the second and third period. This delayed the start of the period, as our goalie had to drunkly wobble from the locker room area back to the ice.
In regards to results, we had the lead going into the third period. I think we were up 4 or 5 to nothing. Probably one of the best games that we played all season. We dominated possession of the puck and were playing outstanding defense. On the bench chatter turned to, “If our goalie gets the shutout, this is just going to encourage him to show up hammered all the time. Maybe we should let in a goal or two?” No sooner was that phrase uttered than the opposing team flipped the puck in from the neutral zone. It floated to the net, kind of like a pop fly in baseball. Our goalie stuck out his glove to catch it and it floated right between his glove and body into the back of the net. I’m just going to assume he was seeing three pucks and chose the wrong one to try and catch.
We managed to win the game, sully the goals, and plant the seed that drunk goaltending isn’t always good goaltending. A pretty solid night in my eyes, plus nobody got maimed which is a plus.
What is your greatest athletic achievement while drunk?