Time to revisit the series Great Lies That Women Have Told Me. Well I don’t know if I could call this a series considering I wrote the first installment over two years ago but whatever just go with me on this.
Today I cover the topic of lockjaw. Now the idea of lockjaw was first given to me from a girlfriend that wasn’t a big fan of oral sex. Wait let me rephrase that. She wasn’t a big fan of giving oral sex but she sure as hell loved to receive it. Without getting too much into personal details here unless you have a good skill set or I am extremely worked up it is going to take awhile to um… make things go boom. (Is that the best way to phrase it?)
On one such evening with someone with not a strong skill set they stopped and said that they couldn’t go on any longer because of the risk of lockjaw. She went on to tell me a story about getting lockjaw when she was little for some reason. Of course I didn’t want to risk my girlfriend any pain or suffering so we stopped the act and I pretty much never asked for it from her ever again because being the nice sensitive guy I am I didn’t want her to end up in the hospital.
I know this is kind of shocking that I didn’t say something to the effect, “Keep going I will take you the emergency room if anything bad happens.”
A year or two went by. My girlfriend and I had gone our separate ways. I had started dating another girl that was actually a biology major and we talked about the other girl. She laughed and stated, “I have TMJ and I never had that happen to me. She was lying to you because she didn’t want to do it. Lockjaw is actually a bacterial infection that people get from like horse manure. It is tetanus.”
One again I was deceived by a woman. It wasn’t the first time or the last.
Next up: “You didn’t ask me that question specifically.” Dating a girl that doesn’t exactly lie but doesn’t tell the truth. Playing the semantics game.
What are some of the lies you have been told by the opposite sex?