Years ago after I announced my displeasure against Big Lots, I learned that my voice had a lot of power. In fact my voice can bring the ruckus.
A plane crashed in Chattanooga on Wednesday (everyone survived) in a retail parking lot, which ended up causing a massive traffic snarl last night and this morning. Guess what retail store is like a block away?
That is right… Big Lots.
So apparently my aim was a tad bit off, but I would like to take full credit for this. See what happens when you mess with a bull Big Lots? You get the horns.
In fact I am thinking about taking my new powers out on other retail chains.
Here is my hit list:
Wal-Mart- I will not shop at Wal-Mart because I hate everyone that works and shops there. Forget their business practices, the quality of the product, or anything moral. The people that work and shop there make me ill. Hell they started a blog about it.
Every time I go there is always a lady with 14 kids and they are all running around completely out of control. It always gets to a point where they run into you and you make the face to the women to get them under control, yet she never does. Besides the vagina as a clown car lady there is the old guy greeter who really creeps me the fuck out.
Also did you ever notice that every time Wal-Mart is in a plaza or shopping center a “dollar store” is within three stores? It is like a beacon to all the white trash. You drive into the plaza and you see all the trucks with their NASCAR stickers on it.
Best Buy- WHY DO THEY HAVE 20 REGISTERS AND ONLY TWO CASHIERS? Seriously… every time I step foot in there the line wraps up and down the aisles. What is the point of having all of these registers and not using them? This drove me to using Amazon.com more than anything else, well that and the fact it is not frowned upon to shop in my underwear.
Anyway I was in there doing Christmas shopping one time and they actually had markers saying how much the wait was from that point in line. It was like being in an amusement park except they didn’t serve churros.
One more thing, if they offer for me to sign up for Entertainment Weekly again I will have to choke them.
KFC- Once every six months I drive by KFC and I have to stop and get lunch or dinner. Just the thought of it sounds so good. (I completely blame my love for their biscuits.) After I eat it my body hates me. HATES ME. I feel like I am hung over. I just get a weird craving for it though and I have to eat it, it is the closest I will ever be to a pregnant woman. It makes no sense.
I guess this serves warning to any retail or restaurant that crosses me now or in the future.
Who would you like me to take out for you? I am pretty sure I can have your boss get the flu or at least the runs.