The last few times I have flown down to NYC on an early morning flight I have noticed a TSA (Transportation Security Administration) official at the gate of US Airways that looks like Jessica Alba. Each time I have gone through the security checkpoint we both have noticed each other and have given quick smiles. Usually I have no problem approaching women but I feel a little odd about trying to work it with someone that is attempting to racially profile airline passengers… er… I mean protect our skies.
So I have decided that a creative approach needs to be taken with this. Here are a couple of ideas that I came up with.
Spell out my number using toiletries in my carry on bag.
There are a few issues with this idea though. First off there is no guarantee that she will be working the x-ray scanner which could lead to a really uncomfortable moment if Hank the closeted homosexual TSA official feels a bid randy. (Not that there is anything wrong with being gay, Hank just isn’t someone I would switch teams for.)
Also I don’t have enough toiletries to spell out a number. I would have to depend way too much on Q-tips. Which I don’t think looks classy. Tampons yes, Q-tips no. Tampons look like finely wrapped cigars in the a x-ray machine, making them the most classy toiletry one could possibly pack… Wait are feminine hygiene products considered toiletries or are they classified as something else?
Create a device that I can strap to my body that when I pull a cord releases confetti and inflates balloons that will majestically float off my chest.
I call this the “bomb of fun” some people might not appreciate the “bomb of fun” in fact I would probably end up shot. Although they would probably feel shitty for shooting me in a balloon inflates and floats to the ceiling after filling me full of bullet holes. In the end I would be vindicated, well probably not.
Voluntarily ask for a body cavity search.
How do you cleverly ask for one of these? “There maybe something in my rectum, there may not be, there is only one way to find out. And bring the Jessica Alba look alike, it looks like she has tiny fingers and probably can really get up there.”
After reviewing these options I guess I really don’t have a shot.
Maybe I use my usual technique of just sitting there and watching her work. Waiting for her to leave so I can follow her to her car to talk to her. Chicks love that.
Have you ever wanted to talk to someone in a totally inappropriate place and/or time?