I’m a degenerate. A lovable degenerate but a degenerate nonetheless, who may have a tiny love of gambling. So when an eight year old asks me to play UNO there obviously needs to be some level of stakes to make playing worthwhile. But how do you convince an 8 year old that gambling is worth their while and fun?
1) Don’t play your hardest in some warm up games
Children need confidence, without confidence they will not do anything. If they think they are going to get housed by an adult most of the time the child will not even play you. So play a couple of warm up games and don’t go for the jugular, hell if you can dump a game or two that is even better.
2) Once confidence is established bring up the idea of the bet
Once they start to have confidence it is time to bring up the idea of the bet, use something like, “We should play for something. Like if you beat me 2 out of 3 times I’ll take you for ice cream. If I beat you 2 out of 3 times you have to pose for cute pictures with me to put on Tinder so I look fatherly and can get laid.” Usually they hear the word free ice cream and they are in. There might some small questions on how this all works but at this point they are filled with confidence and want some sugar so they are ready to go.
3) Take the gloves off
Now that there is something on the line it is time to take the gloves off and win. Now you have to be careful here, you don’t want to completely destroy them and hurt their confidence so they never bet again but you need to do enough to win. Of course this all goes out the window when…
4) Get your ass kicked by 8 year old who is an UNO savant and begin to question your very existence
There is nothing like watching your plan fall apart as you get served a shit sandwich by an eight year old that is like the Bobby Fischer of UNO. The worst part about this step is feeling helpless, as you can’t counter their supreme bloodlust and ruthlessness as they destroy you, your confidence, and your will to live. Then when you have to take them for ice cream and endure their trash talk you’ve moved on from being a degenerate to a victim all in one day.
The lesson is… never gamble with an eight year old.
What was your worst defeat?