I have a very low tolerance for bullshit. Some would mistake it for total apathy when it comes to relationships but I just hate dealing with unimportant crap. However if you take every pointless argument I have endured at the tongue on an upset girlfriend and combined them into one painful 8 hour long conversation recapping the inane points that people get upset about it will pale in comparison to my annoyance when it comes to the Facebook relationship status updates.
The most pathetic usage of the Facebook relationship status update is when a couple gets into a fight and someone (usually the one with a vagina) changes their status from “in a relationship” to “it’s complicated”. In the world of adults and grown ups there is no need to publicly air that you are having issues in your relationship. Back in the 1950s the only way your neighbors would know that you had a fight was because your wife went to the market with a shiner. Now everybody knows every little thing and all that this does is create fallout that no logical person wants to deal with.
Here are the stages of the Facebook status change and the havoc it creates.
1) You get the immediate attention whore response that you were looking for
There is always a subset of people that rushes to this type of status change like it is a horrible car accident that happened out in front of their house. They make a general generic comment like “it seems like everyone is going through it” or “keep your chin up” to make it look like they are supportive publicly. But they are also usually the first person to drop an e-mail to talk shit about the other half and say some of the most ridiculous shit ever like, “I always thought he had herpes. I can just tell by the way he says pizza.”
The ball is now rolling and it only gets worse.
2) If the other person doesn’t change their status message they get questioned
Now you have the attack of the mutual friends that have you both on their friend’s list. People start asking you what is going on and why you haven’t changed your status? Which means you either have to coldly reject your friends or rehash the story that has taken on a life of it’s own and is now blown fully out of proportion. Now not only are you in a crappy fight with your girlfriend but you have to catch shit from people that attempt to involve themselves all because they are really bored at work.
3) The creepy dude that always wanted to sleep with your girlfriend makes his move
There is something about a girl changing her status on Facebook that makes a guy think it is opening the door for her to sleep with him. Page stalkers will immediately come out and try to get into the fray by being the female’s friend and be totally against you. All of a sudden a mistake or a something small gets blown out of proportion by this guy trying to work his way into her pants, making you seem like a bigger asshole than you are. “Wait he ate the last twizzler without offering it to you? That ranks up there with having sex with your mom, sister, and best friend all at once… You should never go back to him. For the record I would never do something like that.”
4) You work things out and she changes the status back but the damage has been done
The damage to your reputation has been done, you will forever be known as a couple that breaks up and makes up or is drama filled just because of a status change. One that you probably weren’t aware of for the first 7 hours because you were too busy looking to see if the girls you lust over have changed their status message so you can swoop in and try to pick them up.
Is the Facebook status change the worst thing technology has brought us?