In our lifetimes there are certain experiences that we will never go through. I am not going to be flying an F-16 anytime soon or participate in a gang bang that includes three midgets and a hermaphrodite, the only way that I can form an opinion on some of these experiences is from movies.
Being that I come from meager beginnings I never attended private school. So my entire knowledge of private school is based off of “School Ties”, “Cruel Intentions”, “Dead Poets Society”, and “Scent of a Woman”, because of this these are the conclusions I have drawn.
1) There is always an asshole instructor that wears a beret- Apparently at private school there is always one instructor that wears a beret and is just a total prick. Usually he teaches a foreign language that nobody really cares about like French or god forbid Latin. He is the type of guy that drinks tea with his pinkie out and probably secretly watches “Sex in the City” in women’s underwear… Sure I am taking a shot in the dark with that last statement but you just know he does.
2) There is always a gay dude that is way into poetry because only gay people like poetry- According to these movies if you are gay you like poetry. You don’t like sports, you don’t like history, you don’t like math… you just like poetry and Men’s Health Magazine…. oh and penis.
3) There are no black people or people of any other race anywhere- Black people apparently don’t go to private school, not even to play sports. In fact black people can’t even work on the staff. I guess private schools have the only all white grounds crew in the world.
4) You have the ability to pull off elaborate pranks with zero regard for time, money, or logic- You want to have a Peruvian donkey wearing lipstick and perfume in your dean’s office by nightfall, it is no problem! No joke is a problem, when you go to private school apparently they give you entire afternoons off to pull this crap off.
5) If you go to college at Brown you might as well blow your head off- Brown is the like the red headed stepchild for the elite. It is the community college of the Ivy League according to these movies. In fact when Brown offered me a full scholarship for grad school I turned them down and went to Buffalo… Who really wants to go to Brown?
So there you have it, I totally have private school figured out.
What experiences do you form your opinion on based off of movies?