I am sitting here writing this blog post in an empty bathtub, half naked, shivering… I may or may not have crapped myself. Why am I telling you this? I am fighting addiction, it isn’t pretty, it isn’t clean, and I can’t hide it anymore. Today I need your help in overcoming my problem, I can’t hide it anymore this problem is starting to consume me and I think I have hit rock bottom… No longer can I come here and post, be all smiley and happy. Dancing for you like some little trained monkey… This is the real side of Bobby, the dark side, and a side that you have never seen.
It is hard for me to admit this but I am addicted and I guess that is the first step you need to make in order to get back on the road to recovery. Yesterday I went grocery shopping to stock the “Boston Bachelor Pad” or the BBP with goodies, and like always I bought an inordinate amount of mandarin orange fruit cups. I was actually pissed off that the Stop and Shop didn’t have entire jars of these tasty fruits that Jesus made with his bare hands. When I got home I didn’t even unpack my groceries yet before I ripped one open and slammed it back like a shot, using my tongue to lick out rest of the oranges. After knocking that one back I decided it wasn’t good enough and I immediately had another in the same style.
What the hell was wrong with me? I couldn’t use a fork? I was that addicted that I needed my fix that quick? I dropped the empty cup to the ground and looked into the mirror in horror, telling myself how much I hated me and then smashed the mirror with my fist. It was that instance that I knew I had to kick this habit cold turkey and I locked myself in the bathroom with my laptop to make sure this happened.
My obsession with these little cups of joy started a few weeks back when I was sick and could hardly swallow anything. I started out with a couple of fruit cups a day and graduated to entire jars… Yes that is right, I would sit in front of the tv watching the news eating entire jars of these things. On the bright side I guess my chances for getting scurvy are remarkably low.
If I don’t kick this now how far will I sink? Will I be sitting outside stores offering to blow people for mandarin orange cups? Or will I be shifting through the garbage of local restaurants that serve mandarin orange salad?
I don’t want to be a trick turning, dumpster diving, mandarin orange addict. I think I need to go score some crack, that will set me straight.
Have you ever had a random food addiction?