It’s doesn’t happen often where I take the time to write a personal note where I admit something I am embarrassed about. Sure I tell stories that don’t always paint me in the best of light but rarely to a reveal a fact of my day-to-day life that I think will impact the way you look at me. Today is one of those days.
I stand when I wipe.
Sure I’ve heard all the arguments over the years why I shouldn’t. That I am a freak, an abhorrent creation of God, and that there is something wrong with me. When you stand and wipe all you are doing is creating MORE of a mess, as everything gets jammed together, thus needing more toilet paper and time to take care of business. I’ve been told it is childish, dirty, rude, and completely and utterly unhygienic. I even had a drunken incident when while wiping I was a bit aggressive and a piece of pop flew onto the ceiling.
However, I just can’t stop.
Why I do it? Because I feel lifting a cheek and doing it is risky business, you are never sure what you are going to rub against going in. Also I feel like it is a lot of physical work to do that. Additionally I feel that I can get everything while cleaning back there it feels like with the any other method I risk missing a spot. This gives me a full range of coverage. Squatting? I don’t have a vagina. A bidet? I’m an American…
When you paint a house or mop a floor do you take small strokes in a confined space or do you take wider strokes covering more area? Exactly. I have the same approach with my smelly balloon knot.
How do you take care of business?