(I wrote this in 2008 when Hillary was campaigning for the Democratic nomination. I am not sure my feelings changed that much about her, she has this almost desperate feeling towards being the President. She is totally qualified but there is this air of doing anything to win, which frankly most Republicans in this election cycle had that has this tinge of insanity. Amy Poehler kind of played her this way on SNL.)
I am under no illusion that to get far in politics or business you have to do some dirt. For some reason I have friends that think that our leaders need to be infallible, which honestly I believe is impossible. These people don’t get where they are by not telling a few lies, rearranging the facts, or screwing over some people.
That is why I enjoy watching Hillary Clinton so much. At this point in her campaign I can’t tell what she is lying about and what is the truth, and I LOVE IT. Honestly if I was running for President I would just lie about everything. In fact I want to give Hillary two tips right out of my election handbook.
1) Don’t lie less, lie more- You think newspaper reporters are that motivated to track down every story you bullshit about? Hell no. Plus with the declining staffs of major newspapers you have them by the balls. The only thing you should be honest about at this point is your name.
Reporter: What did you have for breakfast today?
Hillary: The heart of John McCain’s first wife, you know the one that was disfigured in a car accident and he left for a younger, richer chick? She said I could derive super powers from it and defeat her ex-husband.
Reporter: Um, I was there… you had an English muffin.
Hillary: I teleported.
How do you argue against that? The newspaper reporter now needs to go out and disprove that she can teleport. That could take months of research.
2) Don’t try and give excuses for your lies- There is noting worse than trying to give excuses for your lies. Saying that you were tired, that you misspoke, or something lame like that is no good. Instead just cover it up with another lie or better yet turn it around on the reporter. If all else fails just combine the two.
Reporter: So when you got off the plane in Bosnia there was no sniper fire, how do you account for your story?
Hillary: Were you there?
Reporter: Than how do you know? You are just trying to make stuff up, next!
Reporter 2: Please answer the question…
Hillary: Were you there?
Reporter 2: Actually yes I was.
Hillary: You were drunk.
Reporter 2: No I was not and how would you explain the videotape?
Hillary: You want to talk about videotapes, what about this one with you urinating on an underage Chelsea before having sex with her?
Reporter 2: I did no such thing.
Hillary: Play the tape…
(An aide comes and puts the tape in a VCR hit play then stands there covering the face of R, Kelly with a cut out face of the reporter.)
Hillary: Undeniable proof… next.
At this point do you think there is anything as an honest politician?