(Written in 2008, so many outdated reference but the premise is true.)
After years of trying to figure out who catches my ire the most I think I have come to a conclusion. I would like to extend a big middle finger and a loud “fuck you” to people that don’t own televisions, well except the Amish. The Amish never really did anything to piss me off so I am giving you a free pass, but other Mennonites you are still on my radar of hate but that is another debate for another day.
Anyways, being in grad school I run into a lot of people that drop the reference that they don’t own a TV. When people announce that they don’t have a television in their home they act so morally and culturally superior that is drives me insane. Like I am a lesser person because you decide to sit at home and read War and Peace while listening to Ella Fitzgerald records. While I sit on the couch and watch Supernanny thinking to myself how I would totally do dirty things so Jo Jo would give me a stern talking to.
Screw you… you judgmental pricks. Sure you could say that maybe I am being a little judgmental in this case but I am not wrong, they are. Reading all the books in the world and not letting pop culture corrupt you doesn’t turn you into an alpha human being. In fact it is leading you down a path you never will be able to recover from. One of being an outsider in society, because when John references what the hell happened on Lost at the water cooler on Friday you will look like a total douche bag for saying you never heard of it. Even worse is if you breed you are automatically creating a family of total misfits. Sure your kid might score a 1600 on the SAT but they will be getting the shit kicked out of them everyday because they have no idea who Hannah Montana is. I hope you feel all morally and culturally superior when your daughter comes home in tears with TWAT (probably spelt incorrectly) written on her backpack because she said she didn’t know who the Jonas Brothers were and only listened to Bach.
Even worse than the tone these non-tv watchers speak in is their rant against television, that it is causing the moral and intellectual decline of this country. Like I have to sit there and feel bad about myself because I like to watch 75,000 hours of television a week. You know what, I’ve read Shakespeare and I would frankly rather watch an hour of the Wire than read that shit ever again. Don’t tell me that his work holds anymore water because it is a classic or that I can learn something about human nature. When you have a show with a gun totting, homosexual, scar faced, Robin Hood, sticking up drug dealers well that tops anything with people speaking in iambic pentameter.
So screw you non-tv watchers….
Am I the only one that feels this way?