(Written in 2008 after the Super Bowl, it still holds true even with the outdated references.)
For those of you who live under a rock or outside of the United States the Super Bowl was last night. Now being a football fan and a gambling addict, I enjoy watching the Super Bowl no matter who is in it. However every year I get super annoyed by one thing, people that say they watch the Super Bowl for the commercials.
For the longest time I thought this was a creation of the media, where they promote the commercials as an event in order to get people to watch the crap that is being sold to them. Well, I thought that until the other day I should say when I was at the airport and heard someone say, “I only watch it for the commercials.” Part of me wanted to walk over to her, slap her as hard as I could in the face, and mutter, “You lying whore.” But the fact she was traveling with four guys probably would have made the situation a painful one for me.
So she sits through a four hour sporting event being bored for over half the time to watch some mildly funny commercials that will be aired throughout the rest of the year? Okay… I mean I am not one to tell you what to do with your time, I spend most of my day trying to figure out if I think Miley Cyrus is going to be hot or not when she becomes legal but really can’t you find something better to do with your time? Like cutting your toenails when they are dry and trying to catch the nail as it snaps up in the air.
Seriously though this is the equivalent of going to the movies and really just paying attention for the Fandango ad. “Yeah we went and saw Juno last night, I was really there to see if they have a new Fandango ad, I really love those paper bag puppets.” Do you know anyone that does that? Neither do I.
Now if you are reading this and have said in the past that you only watch the game because you want to see the commercials you can now take this time to reconsider your actions and reevaluate what you should do during the Super Bowl next year.
Here are some options:
-Try to teach yourself to projectile vomit on command. You never know when that skill is going to come in handy.
-Reorder your cds in some inane order, like by record label or color. Why? Because it is fun, well probably not but it is more constructive than watching something you don’t like just so you can talk about some crappy things trying to sell you stuff.
-Remove all the labeling off of your canned goods and try to guess what is inside them.
-Contemplate the existence of mankind and why bumping into teachers outside of school is one of the most uncomfortable things you deal with?
Next year I hope I don’t hear anyone saying they watch the Super Bowl for commercials, okay now I gotta get back to the game, I can’t wait to see if they replay the Justin Timerblake commercial.
Have you ever heard anyone say that they watch the Super Bowl for commercials and do you believe them?