(Written when I moved back to Western, NY for grad school years ago.)
Being back in Western, NY I get to reconnect with an idiot quotient that can only be found in the males that reside in this fine section of the state.
You see there is a disease in Western New York, the complete and utter lack of any ability for a guy to dress themselves.
Now I can barely even match my clothes or even iron, I am not going to be confused with a model at any point in the near future but my god, even I look like I know what I am doing here. This is the only state where I have seen people to continue to wear Zubaz pants well past the two weeks they were in style. (Being in style… I should change that to: a few guys thought it was a good idea to wear them.)
To sum it up, if you took the horrible look of the guidos in New Jersey and then mix it with people from Green Bay you would have the style that rules this area.
None of this really bugs me, well except for one thing, tank top wearers. For some reason when summer roles around there is a selection of guys that break out the tank tops. Now I have nothing against tank tops really, it is just this certain class of tank top wearers, they all have the same traits.
1) Inability to grow facial hair- These guys always have a mustache that looks like an anorexic caterpillar crawled onto their upper lip and died. I don’t get why they continue to attempt to grow their facial hair?
2) They have short spiky hair- It always is comprised of so much hair gel that you wonder if they are using half the bottle on it. If they were tilted on their axis and rammed into your stomach the wounds could be fatal.
3) They all smoke- Marlboro reds apparently make you 13% tougher.
I was leaving the driving range at a golf course the other day and there were three guys all fitting the description above, they were walking together in a scene out of a derelict version of “Reservoir Dogs”. It was like a triple play of douchebagness that could never be topped… They thought they were so tough, so cool, well until the golf course turned them away because they weren’t wearing collared shirts.
Well until they go home and father 10 kids and begin to water down the population.