So I was on a sports message board the other day and this kid kept lobbing remarks about people being gay. It was really annoying not just because the remarks were offensive but because they weren’t funny. After the 50th homophobic joke I chimed in with the following response at like 1:30 in the morning… I didn’t realize what I wrote until I checked it today. I think it was too good to leave just on that site.
From Bobby Finstock: Look I wasn’t gay until your father touched me.
He stopped by my parents house one day visibly distraught. Sitting down on the couch he put me on his lap and told me a story about his retarded son and how he scored so low on his school aptitude test that the only job he would be able to hold was one as a squeezable mustard bottle. Not even the guy that runs the machine that fills the bottle but the bottle itself.
He then said he feared that his son would spend his days arguing on the internet and trying to sound tough while making homophobic remarks.
I laughed and then boldly exclaimed that I had all my teeth, could read, and didn’t spend my afternoons attempting to futilely blow myself. Your dad got a massive erection when hearing this because I wasn’t like his son… Thus making it my first gay experience.