The problem with me living in a college town for so many years after I was actually in college was that that bar scene was influenced by when students were in session and when they weren't. While the summer and winter breaks were still good because of the various local people, students home from college, and the lake crowd being in town week long breaks mid-semester often left the bars like a ghost town. This usually wasn't a big deal except for the fact that my birthday for consecutive years landed on spring break.Now most logical people would just go to a different place for their birthday, … [Read more...]
Keira Knightley and I Finally Meet Face to Face
(From 2007....) On my layover in Atlanta I was starving and had to find a place to eat. The Atlanta airport is so huge that there are numerous options, the only problem was because of the holiday traffic most places had long waits which I didn't have time for. I swallowed my pride and decided that the Quiznos was looking pretty good and it wasn't super ridiculously over priced like most airport fare. By the way, which pricing is worse? Airport prices or prices on rest stops on toll roads like the thruway in New York? How is this total price raping even acceptable? You should never have to … [Read more...]
An Uncomfortable Trip to the Strip Club
(Written in 2008 as a bachelor.) I have a set of friends that really enjoy going to strip clubs. I can't say that I mind going but I have a steadfast rule in place in order for me to prevent myself from going broke every time we go. The rule is: In order for me to spend money on a girl in a strip club she has to be better looking than anyone I can pull out of a bar. This rule has kept me from falling into "stripper love" that some of my other friends fall victim to. There have been times I have gone to strip clubs and have had an awful lot of fun. One time after golf, three of my … [Read more...]
Cameron Crowe’s Women Shape My Views and Thoughts On Dating
(Written in 2008, I'm married now but it was interesting to see my thought process or lack thereof.) Last week when I was sick I watched Elizabethtown on Showtime, I have probably watched this movie at least 5-6 times. For some reason I am drawn into this movie whenever it is on, it isn't because it is particularly good because it isn't. Maybe I watch it to figure out if Orlando Bloom actually has any acting ability or not or maybe I watch it to answer the question if he can act in a movie that doesn't involve a sword? Who knows? Watching this movie really got me thinking about … [Read more...]
The Green Booger Girl Chronicles Part 3
To read the first two parts of the series, click here. The green booger girl and I had reached a stage where... wait let me rephrase that. I had reached a stage where I need to start sticking my penis into something. Going home with blue balls from intense make out sessions on the couch for seven months was driving me to the point where I was starting to have wet dreams again. I had enough sperm built up in me to spackle an entire side of a house. (Who says stucco housing isn't in anymore?) With all the rumors about her having a lesbian "friend" and the fact that the little general was … [Read more...]
The Green Booger Girl Chronicles Part 2
To read the first installment click here. Blinded by teenage hormones and the constant self doubt of being a giant zit I continued to date the girl with the large chest who would later become the girl with the green booger. As the year began to go on the girl with the large chest and I continued our heavy make out sessions on the couch with the occasional breast feel mixed in for fun and good times, even back then I knew things weren't progressing the way they should. The problem with winter was that large chest girl constantly had a cold, maybe it was her steady diet of chicken fingers and … [Read more...]
Tales of the Green Booger Girl
When talking about ex girlfriends it is easy to talk about the trophy girls, the girls that when you look back on you have no idea how you ended up dating them. Talking about them is always a boost to the ego and legitimizes your complete existence, which we all need from time to time or in my case every fifteen minutes. Honestly though, who the hell wants to read about that stuff? Instead I would like to talk about the girl I lost my virginity to, otherwise known as the girl with the green booger. Now I have referenced (here and here) green booger girl before but never really talked about it, … [Read more...]
6 Guys You Shouldn’t Date… Yahoo Lies Yet Again
Yahoo and Glamour magazine teamed up to write an article about the six guys you shouldn’t date. Once again they totally missed the mark with their assessment. This isn't the first time I have caught Yahoo lying about relationships: Ladies Don't Listen to Yahoo For Relationship Advice (the blog where I got taken to task for making a slutty single mom joke) Here are the six guys that they have listed: 1. Rebound Guy- Desperate 2. Disappearing Guy- Cheater 3. Slick Guy- Jerk 4. Rude Guy- Bigger Jerk 5. Grabby Guy- Rapist 6. Last Year’s Guy- Oh snap, you don't need to go back to that … [Read more...]
An Ode to Tarah: The Sluttiest Slut I’ve Ever Known
(Back in 2008 I had to story to share.....Please note, I don't condone using the word slut to describe a woman, unless they are horrible and evil like the person below. ) Over a lifetime you routinely run into people that are at a level of pathetic you thought you would never see. I was dating a girl with a friend named Tarah aka T-Mac, she kind of had a reputation for sleeping with everyone and possibly everything that was or wasn't nailed down. There was an unfounded rumor about a bedpost. The whole bedpost thing is always an urban legend that goes around when talking about a slutty … [Read more...]
A Date with Someone That Reminds Me of My Stepmom
I don’t talk about some years of my childhood that much. Mostly because I have repressed the memories into the dark recesses of my mind so they don’t spring up again. Sometimes I need to use things like alcohol, black tar heroin, or crack to keep them hidden. One of the things/people that I despised during this time was my stepmom. While I hate to throw around insulting terms, “white trash” is probably the best way to describe her. She rocked a black early 90s Monte Carlo with like faded purple airbrushed on the bottom, loved country music, had dentures in her mid 30’s, chain smoked like it … [Read more...]