To read the first installment click here.
Blinded by teenage hormones and the constant self doubt of being a giant zit I continued to date the girl with the large chest who would later become the girl with the green booger. As the year began to go on the girl with the large chest and I continued our heavy make out sessions on the couch with the occasional breast feel mixed in for fun and good times, even back then I knew things weren’t progressing the way they should. The problem with winter was that large chest girl constantly had a cold, maybe it was her steady diet of chicken fingers and diet coke that lead to her ill health… I’m not too sure.
With her constant cold she almost always had a green booger in her nostril, it got to the point where it wasn’t worth telling her about. You can only tell another human being so many times to blow their nose before you are just wasting your words. At this point she stopped being the girl with the large chest and transformed into the green booger girl. Her green booger was a constant source of amazement and questions by my friends; in fact it got to the point where it was rather embarrassing. Still we stayed together, green booger or no green booger, I was spending a lot of time at her house because I was basically avoiding being at my own. Hell, they had a Super Nintendo, why would I ever want to go home?
As time went on my friends started to question the logic of staying with the green booger girl and they began to tell tales about her past before I moved back. Apparently she had a “friendship” with an older girl who was a senior when she was a sophomore in high school that included a lot of personal alone time. There may or may not have been fisting involved but there probably was some make out sessions. I chalked all this talk up to pointless high school rumors and continued on, the idea that I was a front for a lesbian relationship was the furthest thing from my oh so simple mind.
Now her friend, who we will call Fisting Frannie (name subject to copyright) was the daughter of a janitor at our school. She had graduated our high school and was playing either girls softball or basketball for the local community college. On a daily basis she or her mom slid notes into the green booger girl’s locker, this should have been kind of a red flag but I just figured they were friends. But when one applies logic to it friends are able to talk to each other on the phone, which these two weren’t allowed to do per the instructions of green booger girl’s parents. Weird? Yup. Was something going? Absolutely! Was I smart enough to figure it out? Nope.
On Valentine’s Day Fisting Frannie left a gift in the girl with the green booger’s locker, it was a watch and it wasn’t cheap. Said watch destroyed my meager gift but also woke we up to the fact that maybe there was something going on. We got into a fight about it and the lesbian love letters were denied, green booger girl just said they had a close friendship. She said it so I believed it, why would a green with a constant green booger in her nose be a liar? Besides I figured she would have a tell like most liars, like maybe the booger would dry up and fall out of her nose or something.
I began though to question the fact that we had dated close to seven months and my penis hadn’t made it out of my pants yet. At this time I was a virgin and knew things weren’t going to be rushed but as all my other friends began getting laid I had to start questioning the pace at how things were advancing and maybe that our dating was just a show. It was time that green booger girl and I had the sex talk.
Next time in the green booger girl series: “But I’m Catholic”
What things have you been slow to catch on about in a relationship?