To read the first two parts of the series, click here.
The green booger girl and I had reached a stage where… wait let me rephrase that. I had reached a stage where I need to start sticking my penis into something. Going home with blue balls from intense make out sessions on the couch for seven months was driving me to the point where I was starting to have wet dreams again. I had enough sperm built up in me to spackle an entire side of a house. (Who says stucco housing isn’t in anymore?)
With all the rumors about her having a lesbian “friend” and the fact that the little general was still held up at port I needed to sit her down and have a talk. Eventually the subject of sex was brought up and it was probably one of the top five weirdest and most uncomfortable conversations I have had or will ever have. The range of topics went from the denial of lesbianism, to if she was a virgin or not (apparently that was a no), to the fact that she is Catholic (wait didn’t you already have sex?), to she felt like things were being rushed.
While I was young, I wasn’t totally stupid. (Ignore the fact I dated her seven months, I had a moment of clarity.) I broke up with her and I told her that I felt like I was being dragged along and that I was a cover for something else that was going on. A few weeks later I started dating another girl and that lasted like a week, a month after that I was back with green booger girl and she was ready to play some ball. Now I know you are all making fun of me for going back to green booger girl but the facts were this: she had a car and I didn’t, her parents always bought me stuff, and I hated being at my house. In my mind at the time these were all good reasons for me to get back together with her.
One night after about a year of dating it finally happened, the little general came out to play and stormed the field. It was on the floor of her living room with her parents’ two rooms over in their bedroom. I think it was due to the fact that I went down on her and was probably down there a good fifteen minutes, I just wasn’t sure what else to do. She probably felt obligated at that point because she didn’t give head. (This is a running theme with just about every girl I dated for years.) It might have lasted a minute if I was lucky, but it was over, I finally had become a man.
Now normally this would open the door for crazy amounts of teen sex. Two weeks after we had initially slept together we were riding home from a school event on a bus (I think it was the senior cruise or something like that) and I whispered something dirty in her ear. At that point she turned around and told me that, “the only thing I thought about was sex.”
Now this put me in a situation where I had my appetite teased with sex and had “girlfriend” that no longer wanted to have it and really kind of never wanted to in the first place because she was dating a girl. Well school ended, we graduated and promptly broke up… It was an interesting summer that year, I learned a lot of lessons about myself. One of the lessons I learned was that there were a lot of girls that would have slept with me during high school that I never even thought about. (Which was a shock to me at that point.) The second biggest lesson was that when you get to college it is like hitting a giant reset button. Over that summer I met two girls at college orientation that were both into me and I was pretty much set up to date either of them when we got to school… We will tackle that in the final part of the series…
Next: It took me forever to actually learn a lesson.
How shitty was your first time?