What I love about online dating is that it is like Amazon but for women. You can go through and kind of window shop then dig deeper into the person and read more about them. If you are really interested you can look at what questions they have answered or personality tests. At times you can feel rewarded for doing your due diligence, “Oh look she lists musicals as her favorite type of music to listen to… next.”
At one point I thought I found a girl that was different from other girls in the Pacific Northwest, everything on her profile wasn’t about the outdoors. She didn’t like to hike and camp, she still took care of herself and worked out though. Additionally she was an attractive redhead. Going through the profile and doing my due diligence I felt like I had to write a clever email to her. She responded and we exchanged a couple of witty emails back and forth, I asked her out and she agreed. The day before the date she wrote me another email telling me that she had a prosthetic leg and wanted to know if I still wanted to go out.
I felt backed into a corner. On the one hand I feel like if we have good chemistry and what not, why would this matter? It shouldn’t. Plus I wouldn’t want to be a shallow guy and dismiss a date based off of that. On the other hand it felt like this is something you might want to tell someone upfront. Like if I had a second head growing out of my back it might be wise for me to notify you at some point.
Of course there was a third part where I thought it would be interesting to date a girl with one leg and thought there might be some perverse sexual moves that I have never thought of. This kind of became a motivating factor for the date.
So on the night of our date I arrived at the bar to find her sitting already in a booth. Her leg concealed by the table. I bought a round of drinks and sat down for an hour and a half of the worst conversation I would ever have with anyone. This woman was one of the most awful, materialistic, bitchy, and just plain cruel person I had ever met.
-Her talking about her bag for like 15 minutes and how it set her apart from everyone in the Northwest because most people can’t afford them.
-Saying the only person that ever fell in love with her was a friend that she doesn’t find attractive but it was awesome that he would do anything she wants.
-She owned a small dog.
It was pretty clear why she was single. She hated everything and everyone. I wasn’t sure if she was bitter about life in general or maybe she had this guard up because of growing up with one leg. Frankly I didn’t want to peel back the layers of that onion to find out. The more she talked the uglier and less likable she became. The idea of freaky stump sex was now off the board, it was all about me getting out of there and ending the date.
She excused herself to go to the restroom, I watched as she got up and headed towards the back. There wasn’t anything noticeable about her leg. (It isn’t important to the story to include that but I know everyone deep down wanted t know and of course when I was there I had to see it.) I quickly tried to hammer my drink back and think about how to get out of the date.
When she returned from the restroom she said that she was going to head out that she had a party to go to with friends. I should have felt relieved but instead I was offended, did the more I talk make myself look unappealing? Did she not find me attractive? What was wrong with me?
We left the bar and headed our separate ways. The one legged girl had sent her phantom foot directly into my ass.
If you only have one leg shouldn’t you be nice?