On Friday night I went out in Geneseo, which is where a lot of my drunken mistake blogs took place. It was kind of a welcome home/going away party all wrapped up into one before I set out to move to Boston. While out, my friend Jeff bumped into someone he used to work with from years ago when Jeff and I were roommates. While I have met Jeff’s friend before we haven’t seen each other in years. I figured I would let them get caught up so I went to the back of the bar to play some. A few minutes later Jeff joined the rest of our friends in the back of the bar, he came back there with a huge grin on his face.
“So my buddy Ken wanted to know if that was actually you. He said you are one of his heroes?”
Now I had no idea what Jeff was talking about, I don’t think I have done anything particularly heroic in my lifetime.
“He brought up the one time a girl tossed your salad after you ate KFC earlier in the day. He still says it is the greatest story he has ever heard.”
1) I totally forgot about this story
2) I don’t know if this is exactly what I want to be known for
People will remember you for different reasons throughout their lifetime. Maybe you are someone’s first kiss, best friend, or teammate… whatever it is you will be known for different things throughout your life. In Ken’s world that is what I was known for, and I am not sure I like it.
So anyways, before leaving the bar I walked over to Ken and told him I was making a run to KFC and wanted to know if he wanted anything. He proceeded to introduce me to all his friends and their girlfriends as the “guy who had his salad tossed after eating KFC.” I hope to Christ this doesn’t end up on my gravestone.
I figure that I should share the story with you. Remember, don’t judge.
Back when I was 22 or 23 I met this woman that lived in Batavia, which might have the most single mothers anywhere on the place of the earth. She was about 35 years old and attractive, but we knew that there was no way we would ever date because of our age difference and the fact that she had three kids. One night she asked me to come out to where she lived and go drinking with her and her friends. I obliged and ended up getting horribly drunk, she brought me back over to her place for some naked time.
We started hooking up, a couple of minutes into kissing she stopped and asked, “Have you ever had your asshole eaten out?” I told her that I hadn’t and she proceeded to do just that, which led to just one of the dirtiest nights of sex I had ever had.
Now the thing is the entire time all I could think about was that I had KFC for lunch. If I ate KFC that means I probably shit at least 5 times that afternoon because KFC destroys me, there is no humanly possible way that my ass was clean and the whole entire thought of it made me want to vomit. After we got done doing everything I immediately decided to shower, even though I could barely stand.
The next day I drove home and just sat on the couch trying to process everything that happened the night before. Jeff came out of his room and asked me what.
Me: I think I just had my salad tossed.
Jeff: How was it?
Me: I couldn’t tell you, all I could think about was that I went to KFC for lunch.
Jeff: Did you shower first?
Jeff: Did she use jelly or syrup? (Our salad tossing knowledge was limited to Chris Rock talking about it.)
Me: Nothing, she just had my hairy ass and the remnants of the Colonel.
Jeff: That is fucked up.
So there you have it… My tossed salad story and what one entire group of people knows me for. I’m sure my parents would be proud.
Are you known for something to a group of people that you aren’t very proud of?