Yesterday I was at work towards the end of the day waiting to use the restroom. Apparently someone was in their reading an entire encyclopedia while making chocolate custard, which made me have to take a risk. Doing the pee dance that four year olds do, I went into the ladies bathroom to take a piss. We only have like four female employees where I work so it was a pretty safe bet that nobody would be dying to use the bathroom.
I walked in and locked the door behind me. The first thing I noticed about the bathroom was that in general it was cleaner the men’s room, there wasn’t papers coming out of the trashcan, discarded newspapers all around, or the general feeling that someone just totally wrecked the bathroom after a night of drinking. Personally I was really happy with my choice, I walked by the sink and noticed how clean it was and that it actually had a full thing of paper towels and soap. In fact I was so satisfied with my choice that I was thinking about making this my washroom of preference. Then I hit the toilet and the happy bubble I was residing in was not just burst but was violated by a drunk uncle at a redneck family reunion.
As I whipped out the “little general”… wait that doesn’t paint me in a good light… How about “the slightly above average length wise but not girth, general” to start dispensing my over inflated bladder, I saw something on the seat.
What was this mysterious substance on the seat? Ketchup? Strawberry Jam? Oh no, it was blood. Mmmmm… tasty.
Now I was caught in the position of being in midstream and wanting to throw up all over myself by the disgusting fact that someone had their bleeding gash on the toilet and couldn’t be civil enough to wipe up their stab wound like expulsion off the seat. I could have stopped midstream and just gone in the sink or tried to hold it until the other room became available but the release was feeling too good, so I sat their gagging and pissing at the same time, which isn’t really enjoyable.
I went back to my desk after all of this and just kind of sat there for a few minutes kind of shell shocked. If I work in a place with four women and they can’t clean up what was probably a miscarriage or something than how about a place that has like 25 women? Are the bathroom seats in their just red all the time? What is the deal with that? So using a complex mathematical formula….
I have determined that women are 25% more disgusting than men. You can’t argue with complex math done by a guy that holds a history degree and had a bitch of a time passing college algebra.
Is it all a lie and are women really more disgusting than men?